This has taken me several days to figure out how to start this blog. I have started it so many times, writing funny stories, interesting facts, deep thoughts of life. Finally, in my CSCI 40 class, my teacher was going over the differences between C++ and Java and after about an hour and fifteen mins I started zoning out. I was doodling on my notebook and thought that instead of “wasting time” doodling, I should be effective! So I started to write a “brilliant” opening:
“I’ve always admired individuals that have a strong passion that translate into a career – doctors, teachers, artist, hair stylist, cooks, veterinarians and…”
“I unfortunately I am not one of theses people. I don’t have one clear passion. I enjoy doing lots of things and generally when I discover a new hobby I get really into it. “
Then I wrote:
“never enjoyed writing a dairy or journal because I’ll go back and criticize what I’ve done or not done”
That was my uh huh moment! This has always been my problem. I have always pride myself on being empathic, understanding, supportive and encouraging. The only thing is that I am that, but not for myself.
Facing that realization has been so challenging, I went back and forth. “I need to allow myself to make mistakes” to “I’m just making excuses up, I’m actually fine, I don’t need to prove myself.”
So this is my attempt to create a space where I don’t judge myself. So first thing first: I need to post this and leave it up!